Day 12 - Reality Bites

The 'therapy' continues to progress as hoped. Her WBC counts are virtually zero. Her blasts are 8%. Her Hemoglobin was too low, so she received blood again. We really are at a point where it's essentially watch and wait. I think if we had to wait for a couple more days to know if the therapy is putting her into remission, it would be an excruciatingly long two days. Too bad we have to wait at least two more weeks!!

We keep saying to each other, "This doesn't seem real," and "this can't really be happening." I'm sure everyone confronted with a life threatening disease or trial has the same thoughts. But it's so much different when it's YOUR life. The one good thing about having a hard time believing that this is real, is that you don't feel the impact as badly. The disbelief somewhat lessons the shock and pain of it all.

Then there are the moments when "it's all too real." When you know with a certainty that you're dealing with cancer, and staying for weeks not days in a hospital, and getting chemicals pumped into your body. When you realize how bad it could be if not for wise doctors and a good hospital. When you know that the life you knew up until a couple weeks ago is moving along without you. When you feel the physical pain and weakness caused by the disease in your body. When you go days without seeing your own children. When you look forward to a drug induced sleep so you can escape the reality for a few precious hours and yearn to not wake up until it's all over.

Dream world: Courtney's taking a much deserved break - having essentially all her meals served to her in bed. Who doesn't want that?!

Real world: All her meals are hospital food.